Stuff Asian People Like

Posted February 28th, 2008 by Peter · 19 Comments
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There is an old Paris By Night proverb: “If it doesn’t eat beans, it ain’t Mexican. If it doesn’t come late, it’s certainly not Vietnamese.” Have you ever wondered why asians always give ridiculously early arrival times to their peers and family when holding some type of social gathering? The answer is quite simple: Asians know that nobody will arrive at the designated time. Though this may seem to you like a very unprofessional and disrespectful manner of conduct, asians view it with a sense of pride. Pride for their own country. Pride for their own people. Pride for, well, themselves. “Why does everyone come at 5:30 when the party starts at 5:00?” Asians know why to arrive late. It is a secret asian code that has been passed down for generations. The fact of the matter is that Asians come late because they:

1) Do not want to be noticed. Asians are very sensitive creatures, and they do not want to spoil another person’s fun even if it’s a very very tempting thing to do. That is why asians will arrive late to most social gatherings. By arriving late, they accomplish a diffusion of attention that might otherwise have been achieved if they had arrived during, let’s say, a welcoming ice breaker. Asians know that the first 30 minutes of a social gathering are the most awkward, so they come late to avoid it. Who knows? The first 30 minutes could be when a meteor, by chance, strikes the building. It is precautionary to arrive late and unnoticed in case anything actually happens.

2) Do not actually want to be there. Yes, you heard it. Most asians do not even like being at the parties they attend. They are either there because it will be “the first and last” party they will or will ever attend. They might also be appeasing their girlfriend of boyfriend by attending the party. In that case, one wrong move could ruin an asian’s reputation towards their asian peers. It is widely known that asians only like parties that asians are attending. If it is a very diverse party, asians will feel very alienated due to the lack of familiarity. This will cause the asian to cower and feel sorry for themself while drinking their 20th cup of fruit punch in the corner of the room. At that moment, they will regret being there and realize that they could be doing so much better things like playing Maple Story. It is indeed very asian to bring along a more ostentatious friend to diffuse the tension between their peers or family members, if any shall exist. This helps the asian co-exist better with their peers.

3) Are there only for the food. An old decrepit woman walks into a crowded restaurant about an hour late. “Wow… there’s a lot of food. I wonder if my son or grandson will want some for his family?” Miss Chan thinks to herself as she stares at the plate of untouched house-special fried rice. Two minutes later, the other guests are beginning to leave. She quietly stalks her prey, waiting for the right moment to pounce at the left-over food. She pulls from her purse a heavy-duty generic zip-lock bag and “BAM!” Asians love getting food for other people. It is a cheap and easy way to say that they love the other person without actually having to do any work themselves. Remember that asians love bar

gains, so restaurants with left-overs are an asian person’s Costco. At parties, it’s a quick in-n-out, and they’re scot-free. All these factors play heavily upon why asians arrive late. Asians know that being late is customary. This holds extremely true in asian countries, where traffic and swearing on the road is a way of life. In some areas in Asia, roads are only wide enough for one car (that’s for both traffic directions). Asians do not want to put up with the trouble of preparing their clothes an extra hour earlier just to beat the traffic and arrive earlier than a few other people. It is a lifestyle that is even seen in rural asian areas, where people have to walk everywhere. This slow paced-lifstyle highly contrasts the new upbeat Ame

rican and European style, where everybody has to make everybody else happy by arriving on time. Asians only care what they themselves think, allowing them to perform this feat free of guilt every time.

There you have it, Another asian myth is busted. Stay tuned for more fascinating asian truths on the Discovery Channel at 8:00PM EST (Just Kidding). For those that are confused, just add 30 minutes to any time assigned by an asian, and you have the correct time they expect their peers and everyone else to arrive. Also know that the next time you encounter an asian person at a party, it is probably due to their friends or family that they are there. They don’t even want to be noticed, which is why they will try to blend into the walls on the side of the room. Moreover, it is only proper for them to bag food and bring it home if they are at a restaurant because, chances are, they could only be there for the food. It could even be their culture and biological predispositions that cause them to arrive late (protection). Arriving late is a universal truth. Nowhere is this more evident than in asian people.

Side Note: Times have changed. As more and more asians are assimilated into their surrounding societies, less and less are doing the things necessary to survival like saving food and arriving late. They may not even know their own languages. “gasp” However, these traditions will always endure because they will live on in asian masses, recent immigrants, and the elderly. These are the only people that truly know why: Asians Love Arriving Late.