#20 Bad Pronunciation

Posted February 29th, 2008 by Peter · 10 Comments

Asian people are very capable of learning the intricacies and grammar of a language. However, past the critical stages of lingual learning (1-7 years old, asians have to cope with not being able to pronounce words in other languages, especially English, correctly. This is true of nearly all asians that arrive in the United States after the age of 15, when the human brain begins to lose its plasticity.

“What!?” Is this a boring bio lesson on Stuff Asian People Like?!

(Heck no.) Asians have a way with languages. When words come out of asian mouths, they are more refined and articulate. However, this is only true to the eye of the asian. Take Fried Rice for example. Asians are known to say, “Flied Lice.” This holds true only in some asian languages where the L and R are non-present consonant sounds (when they are in the beginning of words). These languages, such as Japanese, usually carry the L or R sound in the middle. In the same category are words like “flo (for)” and “larely (rarely).”

Other asians learn simply by listening. These asians will wind up cursing by saying things like “mother-father” and “thuck you” or “shamit!” 1st Generation Asian parents are the best at mispronunciation because they have probably just heard the new word and want to show their mad skills to their children. Asian children know when their parents have just talked to their salon friends when they are asked about if they want to apply to “Habard (Harvard), Yeild (Yale), Pu-rini-ston (Princeton), or Stamfurt (Stanford).”

Due to the nature of asian languages, intonations and slurs are very important. In American *english* these slurs and intonations are bland and odd-sounding. Asians, for that reason, give more emphasis to certain vowels. “Do your deeeeeshes” or “Clean Yaaaaa-ore room!” In Asian *asian languages* these long slurs and intonations are signs of annoyance and disrespect. They could also be suggestive of marriage.

The next time you are in an Asian county or area, try these new things out. Order some “flied lice” or talk to the local women about “Stamfurt” and if their “dothers” will be accepted, because chances are that they won’t know the difference. They won’t care either.

Email from Contributor: I first had Chinese food when I and friends used to pop into a restaurant in South Kensington after a Prom and share a couple of spring rolls and some fried rice. I’m embarrassed to say that we called it “Flied Lice” and in front of the waiters” -anonymous

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