#4 Bowl Haircuts

Posted February 16th, 2008 by themachine · 9 Comments

Formerly worn by the Beatles and Moe Howard of the Three Stooges, the bowl haircut is symbolic of musical greatness and comedic genius. As a result, it’s only natural that this beautiful styling of the hair graces the heads of the world’s greatest and largest race, Asians. Currently, the bowl haircut represents two things. First, it shows non-Asian people that they are still connected to their roots, AKA the third world countries where people can’t afford food, housing, or Playstation 3s. The bowl cut is a reminder of the hard times and is intended to keep the prosperous Asian community in the United States grounded and true to their real identity. Secondly, it’s a proverbial middle finger to all of the other races. The bowl haircut accentuates the intelligence, confidence, and athleticism that all Asian people possess. Outsiders will see the bowl haircut and will become filled with self hatred and depression due to their lack of superiority. But don’t worry my non-Asian friends; you too can achieve the bowl haircut. I’ve included instructions below:

Step 1: Get a bowl that fits the unique shape of your inferior heads. This step is the most difficult.

Step 2: When you finally find the right bowl, place it on top of your head.

Step 3: Take scissors and proceed to cut the hair around the edge of the bowl.

Step 4: When you inevitably mess up, go to an Asian salon to get it done right.

Step 5: Congratulations! You are less inferior than you were before!

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